How To Find Relief and Reconnection When You Feel Overwhelmed as a middle aged woman
Have you ever felt like your hidden pain and struggles are a burden too heavy to share, silently dimming your joy and connection with others?
Let’s uncover the transformative power of vulnerability and learn how to bring light to these shadowed corners of our lives. We will dive into why we often keep our pain concealed, the fears and misconceptions that hold us back, and how opening up can lead to healing and growth.
As I share my own journey of navigating the complex world of parenting an autistic child while managing personal and professional challenges, you'll discover that you're not alone in your experiences. Together, let's explore how to courageously voice our pain, embrace our struggles, and find strength in our vulnerability.
The impact of hidden pains
Hidden pain is often kept secret due to various fears and misconceptions, can significantly diminish our joy and hinder our connections with others. We will explore the reasons why people choose to conceal their pain, including the fear of judgment or bringing others down, and the shame that might be associated with their struggles. Part of our focus will be on the healing process—how expressing and confronting this pain is essential to prevent it from escalating and taking over our lives.
It's important to clarify that sharing one's pain doesn't necessitate a public forum; it's about finding a personal way to confront and express it while maintaining a balance that feels right and protective of oneself and family.
What I wanted to do is to break the isolation that often accompanies hidden pain, emphasizing that confronting and vocalizing our struggles is a crucial step in preventing the pain from growing and multiplying.
How shame and isolation contribute to the growth of hidden pain
According to Brené Brown, a shame researcher, shame intensifies when we don't discuss it with others. It can worsen, tightening its grip on us. It's healthier to be open and vulnerable with trustworthy people, like therapists, coaches, or friends. I want to share a story about a friend who felt disconnected and in pain. She felt out of place in conversations, whether with friends, at her kids' activities, or even with close neighbors. Her pain was so overwhelming that she struggled to engage in normal conversations.
And in some of my own darker moments,I've experienced similar hidden pain, feeling disconnected and unable to relate to others. While people discussed trivial matters, I felt alienated and weighed down by my own issues. Life seemed like a repetitive cycle of chores and responsibilities, all while suppressing this pain.
Hidden pain often brings shame, feeling like a failure, or embarrassment about our thoughts and circumstances. Avoiding this pain might seem easier, but it's not a long-term solution. Another aspect of this pain is self-loathing, especially when attempts to discuss it are dismissed or minimized. This leads to self-doubt, humiliation, and feeling trapped in despair. Some even feel they are bad people due to their persistent negative thoughts. Today, I will share my experiences with hidden pain and how I've managed to overcome it.
How to adress and heal hidden pain
Here are practical methods for addressing and healing your hidden pain. Let me outline what to expect: there are three key approaches, involving a trusted friend, a therapist, or a coach. If necessary, you can use all three for more support. When confiding in a trusted friend, it's important to prepare them. Tell your friend that you have something significant weighing on you and ask to schedule a specific time to talk, like later today or sometime this week. Explain that you're struggling and need to share your feelings. Emphasize that you're not looking for solutions or magical words from them; you just need them to listen. Essentially, you're asking your friend to provide a safe, non-judgmental space to express yourself without the pressure of them trying to fix your problem.
This experience has shown me how powerful it is to be seen and heard, as it's such a universal human need. When we aren't acknowledged or truly understood, our suffering continues. That's why, when choosing a friend to confide in, I've learned it's important to be very thoughtful about who I select. I also make sure to set up the interaction in advance, clearly communicating what I need from them.
For instance, in my own life, I've worked with Pepe Silverman, an educational advocate who has been immensely helpful for my son, who is autistic and has severe ADHD, yet is also intellectually gifted. Managing his needs in a classroom, especially with a teacher handling 30 kids, is quite challenging. He's in a public school, and ensuring he has access to a strong education that meets his needs has been a detailed and painstaking process, and it's still ongoing.
The challenges of parenting a child with autism
“Sit in the mud”
My son is now in a much better place than before, but as he approaches his preteen years, new challenges arise, especially with social learning. He's in an accelerated program, studying a year ahead, which is becoming quite challenging. The number of emails I've had to handle from his teachers and school this past week was overwhelming, almost like another full-time job. Besides being a part-time therapist, coach, podcast host, and a mother to two kids – not just my son with special needs but also a neurotypical eight-year-old daughter – managing their needs feels like a full-time job in itself, a sentiment many mothers can relate to.
I strive to provide real, inspiring, educational, or uplifting content in my podcasts, but I don't want to sugarcoat the reality. Sharing stories of human pain, fear, worry, and shame can be relatable, even if our situations differ. So, I'm opening up about my struggles, like the hours spent emailing teachers to remind them that my son's compliance needs differ from neurotypical children due to his IEP (Individualized Education Program).
Constantly having to remind the school of his diagnosis and specific interventions can be draining, making me feel burnt out and unable to give my best. I recently shared some of these challenges with a friend and now with you. Parenting is indeed not for the faint of heart. Discussing these issues with my friends, on the podcast, and allowing myself to 'sit in the mud' as my coach advises, helps me understand that sometimes we need to endure difficult times before we can emerge stronger and more resilient.
To sum it all up, life isn't always like spring and summer. By sharing my experiences today, I hope you know that you're not alone. Regardless of your specific situation, there are elements in it that are universally relatable. I encourage you to seek help from a therapist, coach, or a friend who can assist you in navigating your own pain. They can help you understand why you're hiding it, and guide you on how to express, release, and work through it. It's important to allow yourself to feel these emotions. If any of what I'm saying resonates with you, take this step towards healing and understanding.
Janna Fuchs
Burnout and I are old friends, so I get that you are probably exhausted from being everything to everyone! In fact, I'm a recovering over-functioner myself, AND I've developed some seriously USEFUL strategies to catch the burnout cycle before it begins! Most importantly - I have learned to TRUST my voice and my "why" for redirecting my energy, harnessing my joy, and banishing my burnout. Now I'm ready to teach you how to do the same!🤗
Connect with me: